Posted in Personal, Question, relationships

Feedback Please


You know how you need to get something off your chest and the only way you can get it out is through humor? Well a few days ago while talking to him I blurted out, “every time we talk you are giving me a list of things, I’m gonna give you a list of things next time you call me.” He didn’t laugh but I did. He made it clear that he didn’t think it was funny and I kind of wished I didn’t say it. Am I wrong? I understand his plight of being locked up, but it seems that every time he calls it’s to give me orders. It’s beginning to become old. I know if I tell him this he will simply say I won’t ask you to do anything else for me. I would plead with him that he took what I said the wrong way, I was simply saying I would like to enjoy a call from you that you never mention for me to do anything. Let’s just simply talk about stupid stuff, relationships stuff and the news, I don’t know.

The last real conversation or argument we had was last month. I told him how is inconsiderate when I’m out with my friends. He knows I’m out and he calls and I have to get pulled away from dinner and find somewhere quiet to talk. He took that as my friends have a problem with him calling while I’m hanging with them. Also, I told him about the lack of sympathy leading up to and after my grandmother passed. That got mixed up and ended in a big argument.

We ended up talking about it and I really can’t say we fixed it, it’s just another issue that will probably be brought back up. My thoughts are is it because he is incarcerated? He wasn’t selfish before, and since he has been, he has become this selfish person at times and I don’t know if it is because of his incarceration?

I’m looking for answers and I really don’t know who to ask. This behavior is causing me to see the man I love in a different light. How do I fix this? I hate even writing about this but its my personal blog and I feel if I don’t want to talk to friends about it maybe this is the place. So please give me some feedback.


Founder and Co-Host of G.F.T Radio show, and author of my personal blog Unreservedly Me (both on wordpress). I been writing for years so blogging is nothing new to me.

12 thoughts on “Feedback Please

  1. Is there any particular reason why you want to be in a relationship with an incarcerated man? Ok, so I gave this some real thought, but before I start, maybe you should reconsider this relationship, but if you’re not here goes…
    1. He is probably being controlling because in prison he doesn’t have much control over his life so needs to exert it somewhere.
    2. He is probably extremely lonely and hates that he needs to share you with the outside world.
    3. He is probably angry about the poor choices that got him locked up and may be taking it out on you.
    That’s all I have in his favor. I personally think you should run, he is showing you who he is and now it is up to you to believe it. I get women want to be “there”, but you have your own life to live.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I never wanted this situation, but as luck would have it, it happened and he is the father of our son. I gave it real thought about continuing this relationship if the crime they are trying to convict him for actually finds him guilty. I don’t think that will happen though, so in my mind he will be home soon and we can truly work on us.

      Number one… wow I think that hit the nail on the head. Number 3, I think he knows that hanging around the wrong crowd was not ideal and regrets that every day. I didn’t skip number two…because that could be key as well.

      We have built a friendship long before he got locked up, I think our timing of making it work got caught up and then he was incarcerated so it was at, do I stay or do I leave him hanging…you know?

      I know what I should do, but we shall see what happens.

      Thanks for your feedback it is greatly appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. On point about his behavior. The only thing I have a problem with is the running part… lately running is all people know. To every action there’s a dynamic reason behind it… wether it’s the way we react, the why we react, and the choices made in the counter reaction. Every person that exist in this world shares, if not the same culture, creed or, color; we all share a common race as humans. There is nothing in me that isn’t in you. We can all be groomed to like, respond, and/or react to anything in a way, good or bad. The power is in believing. To believe, is to have a cognitive thought. The battle is always of the mind. So I believe you have to penetrate his mind in a positive way to change his negative reactions. Maybe find out what’s bothering him to get to the pinnacle of his behavior… but of course his pride may guard his character, so with love, you penetrate his heart to change his characteristic ways. After disarming his gaurd… challenge his mind. Then maybe then, you can help him find out who he really is and get to the core of what’s bothering him. Most times we don’t understand our own behavior until we’re challenged to go deep into the core of the problem.


      1. I think I tried that, I tried to have a open discussion about this issue so we can fix it. And somewhere in that translation it gets lost on deaf ears. He just says I will change and there is not change if you don’t get to the root/core of the problem.

        But in all honestly I get like that sometimes, pride is the reason as I believe it is with him as well.


      2. Well… I think you should first, pray about it and whatever God place in your heart you should do. People can only give an opinion.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeah, I think she summed it up quite nicely. The only thing I would add, is that healthy communication is integral to the success of any relatiobship, romantic or otherwise. If you feel that you are unable to talk to someone for one reason or another…the relationship is doomed to start and it’s just a matter of time. Both parties have to be honest and willing to understand where the other is coming from.

    Liked by 2 people

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