Writing It Out

Sunday and Today were hard days for me. I’m trying hard to get out of the rut, but it seems like everything is going to hell in a hand basket. I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from depression at this point. My mood goes from happy to sad. To the point that I can stand to see myself… my reflection scares me.

I want to sit down and talk to someone but I can’t seem to find the time, so I’m trying to deal with it internally but I’m 95% sure that it’s not working.

At this particular moment so much is going on in my life. I wish I was able to talk about it but I can’t right now. For those that know me, know exactly what is how. Buy they can’t seem to help.

I dont know what I feel or how I feel, or it I feel at this point. Part of me want to feel anything and nothing if that makes sense.

Maybe venting or expressing myself in my space will help. Can’t hurt to try right?

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Dark Clouds

Seems like dark cloud are hovering over my life right now. What do you do when you are completely disappointed and drained? I have been the a variety of a emotions in the last couple of months. Honestly, I dont know how I get out of the bed every morning. I smile when inside I’m dying. I feel like the total definition of two faces. But I have to be, I have to push forward and I’m determined to fight this thing.

I really can’t go into details.. but I will be glad once this cloud as moved on and leave my life.

Praying for strength to push through for my family… because all I can try and do is protect them!

Traveling to Family

Took my son on a train ride up north to go visit his family. We don’t get up there often but when we do it’s always a good time.

Of course we get there and he is always comfortable which is a great thing. He played with some of his cousin’s. Got to meet his great grandfather for the first time.

I should’ve taken more pictures… maybe next time. But I definitely need to take him up there more often.

Sensory Overload

This weekend, my Potato was invited to a birthday party at Pump It Up and he just couldn’t get with it. I pretty sure he had was is called a sensory overload. I tried to get him to play but he just wanted me to sit there next to him and watch the other kids play. I kinda of felt bad watching him be unable to enjoy this venue. I tried to engage him with the small balls they had in a basket but he simply put them back and sat back down as if he was looking for a safe area.

As we moved into another room, he sat down on another bench. I finally got him engaged with the floor game:

This was pretty much all he would do. I felt so bad for him but then I thought to myself, he found a way to enjoy himself even if it was away from all the other kids.

I was bothered because I never seen him like that. He just wanted me there next to him. When it was time to leave, he didnt even fight to leave. I believe if he could’ve said ‘Mommy, let’s go he would’ve.”

But I will take this a learning lesson for us both. I will continue to take him places and let him experience different things. I don’t know if we will go back to this place, unless he can handle it.

Catfish… he tried it!

So I debated on whether to post this but I figured why not. Let me give you the back story. Dude sends a friend request… now most know I have a podcast so sometimes I accept randoms (women and men) on a trial basis. So I accept, we have a inbox convo about my podcast, then he ask was I single. I said, yes but dating someone. He left me alone. A few days ago he decides to spark a conversation telling me he intention was to date me and then get married. I could’ve ignore this all together but my spider sense told me it was a catfish or some BS. I had time so I asked did he see the show and he said yea. Told me he is in the military (I doubt that) etc etc. I let him know I’m not interested and that was it. Nope, he send me a message in my inbox… read below

I had way too much time, glad I always follow my instincts!!

90s Party

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Over this weekend I attended an “I Miss The 90s Party”. Let just say it was a whole lot of fun, some random moment and way too many blue long islands. All in and all, a much needed night out!!