Posted in GFT Radio

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Posted in Thoughts

Note to Self

Tell yourself, you love you and mean it. Thats probably the only person you will believe outside of your family.

Posted in Thoughts

Untitled

Today I woke up thinking how quickly unloved someone. It doesn’t seem possible on my part. I have wonder how simple things could be. We try and move on. But the hurt pulls at us. I wondered to myself and maybe it will sound stupid but what if he actually had the balls to apologize. How would I feel? What would I do or say in response. I’ve made up in my head how I would respond or whether not I would. I feel like I most likely walk off. In my head I would accept it but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing so. Its weird tho… like I feel better typing this versus saying this out loud. I know if anyone heard this they would think ill of me or call me stupid. Like I wondered did I really love this man or the idea of his potential? But I think I accepted that I truly allowed myself to let my guard down and allow myself more with him than I have anyone in a long time.

As I walked home from work yesterday, I thought of my son’s father. How he may have been hurt to know that although I loved him dearly what I felt didn’t match what I felt for this man. But maybe I’m wrong. But I know I had my guard up with my son’s dad. I didn’t feel emotionally safe with him. Where as this man made me feel that way, even though I found out it was not true. Nor was a physically safe.

I didnt mean to hurt my son’s father by feeling this way. But I guess now I understand his hurt.

The lessons I’m learning and the time I have to think of this as I am. Idk maybe it will help with me moving forward.

Posted in Thoughts

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Posted in Dream Meaning, Personal, relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized

My Dream

Today. I’m in a meh mood. Had a dream I was around my mother although I couldn’t see her physically there. I was annoyed by it, somehow we was staying with her and yet I never saw her. I spoke with her while she was on her way to get an MRI. I cannot explain this dream. Idk what it means… but it was weird. I woke up getting ready to cry like I had been the past couple of days but Zay walked up to the bed and motioned for us to go downstairs and I said where are you underwear? I laughed and shook my head and follow him downstairs.