Unreservedly Me

Sometimes I look in the mirror and camera and try and convince myself I’m worthy of love and to feel emotionally safe with folks. I wonder what do people see when they see me. What do they think like really, you know past the outside. What do they truly think of me. Why does my life having me doubting me? When did I fall out of love with myself. Filters become escape as I feel demished.

This is not a post to boost me up but I feel like I’m letting myself go, because I feel worthless half the time. I put this face on and this armour to hide what I truly feel and push through with like to make everything seems okay when I dont feel this way.

I see myself and can’t recognize myself or feel that this picture is from the past. Its crazy right?! Idk…

I will say this I have been content with going into month 7 of not entertaining men in a sexual nature because it’s all they can see me as. Although I love having sex or talking about. I dont want to be seen as just that. Just worthy of that. You know? I barely even self love much these days. Its weird. I want to be wanted for my heart, my soul and my spirit. Sex would be a bonus.

Idk… I’m all over the place. But one thing I need to do is fall back in love with me fully.

I’m in a head space I don’t need to be. I’m defeated and exhausted. I really feel like if I died it would be best for a lot of people in my circle.

I understand how it feels to be alone around so many people. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Be blessed!