I’m a state of mixed feelings. I want to feel love and affection but at the same time I just can’t actually deal with it. I feel like as much as I want it, I’m in a vulnerable state and I don’t want to dismiss the usual red flags or be taken advantage of.
Its not even the person per se, its more of a fear of being blinded like last time and getting involved with someone who means me no good. Even if they originally had the best intentions. Idk…. I can’t figure out why I feel that way? I’m in no rush to jump into anything.
Can anyone understand?
A few weeks back I started to write a book.. the book would be about my life. Idk if I want people to know its me but I want to share my story…. hopefully I can stick to it…but since that first day I have not gone back…
Its hard loving someone and letting them go. You know its for the best, but I miss him. We had good times but I know it was an unhealthy relationship. Especially knowing he had no problem putting his hands on me.
I know I could never go back. But it is wrong to miss the good times?
Idk…. this is hard but I know it’s for the best.
I reached out to this program to get some counseling. I need to take back the power I have given so freely to other and give it back to myself. I’ve allowed others to change my mood, hurt me and I say nothing because I don’t want the confrontation.
But I can no longer keep silent, its only hurting me more..