When we tell ourselves we are going to stop allowing certain things and then you end up going against the grain. Went thru an array of emotions last night. I felt so defeated and overwhelmed. I didn’t have it in me to fight. Tears fell and I wanted to scream but it was pointless, because of course I still search for validation when it comes to my feelings. Like I know I have ever reason to feel how I do, but when everyone around me seems oblivious or show to care about the situation I’m in my head wondering if I’m okay with thinking about how if I should feel how I feel about it.
Being hurt, disrespected and defeated I had no say in my own house so I just shut down. No peace in sight…. like how you walk around on eggshells when you invited this folks and can’t just shut everything down for the night and just be alone?
I definitely need to work on me a little hard. Why do I constantly seek validation of my feelings?
I started off the year all wrong, or maybe somehow I can turn this lesson into a blessing?