So I was talking to my daughter’s father yesterday. A few months back he asked me to take him off the back child support he owes. We talked about it and I told him the only way I would consider that is if he was consistent in her life. He didn’t like that answer and he started the process to lower his back deduction of $50 to $10. We went to court and I didn’t fight him.
In my mind, I was finally getting consistent child support and now he wanted to cut it off? But at any rate it was lowered without fight, because at the end of the day I wanted him to be in her life.
He then said to me that the problem isn’t the money, although doing that would be good for him. He felt like I would always believe that him being in her life was temporary and how can he change that thought of him. He said that he has proven that he is here for her. He doesn’t know what else he can do. I have to give him credit, he has been being consistent the past few months.
He is right, I have little faith in people and as much as I want to believe he will be there for the long haul. I can’t help but think that he will stop being around her.
What do you suggest I do, any advice?
Unreservedly Me 
There are no solutions in these types of situations except prayer. You can’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do.
I would just cry out to God and hope for the best.
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Agreed, he says that he will remain consistent. I need to pray for this to work.
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You didn’t say if he has proven himself or not, but if he has actually proven that he is there for you’ll daughter, I would say to let him be in her life. Especially if your daughter doesn’t have ill feelings towards him. You shouldn’t let your feelings towards him be a detriment to their relationship. But I am on the outside looking in. I don’t know the whole story, so take my word with a grain of salt. Only thing I do know is that fathers are important to a child’s life and development.
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I have never stopped him from seeing her or building a relationship with her. I have encourage that over money. He was not consistent in her life and that was the problem. He has proven himself for the past few months, My issue is more with him still being there if I fill paperwork relinquish the back amount owed to her.
I agree fathers are important, but she has had ill feeling for him not being in her life, or showing up when he decided it was good for him. I don’t have any ill feelings towards him, I just want him to stay in her life and not stop because he isn’t required to pay back payment.
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I hate having our men in the system but sometimes they bring it upon themselves. That would really be terrible of him to quit seeing his daughter because of not having to pay child support. I really hope that doesn’t become the case. After you put it like that I have no clue what you should do.
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I get that most men don’t like “the system” but sometimes it helps. Depends on what type of person you are. I think that most men should put themselves on child support. Too many times I have seen females take advantage of the situation and then go to court saying he hasn’t help with anything or givin’ a dime. In those cases, the men should put themselves on child support so there is a record of payment. Sure he can give extra if he chooses, but he doesn’t have to deal with the everyday drama.
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I’m going to tell you what my therapist told me…your son’s father is responsible for his relationship with his son. Not you. Stop expecting anything from him. Release him to God.
I say that to say you need to do the same. Allow him to create and nurture the relationship he wants with his daughter. Don’t expect anything from him and release him to God. Focus on being a terrific mother and know that you can’t force him to be a part of her life nor can you expect it. You just have to keep doing you.
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Thanks you for reading and commenting. Yes I need to just let go.
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