Sunday, September 18,2016
Last night I had a dream and my mother was in it. We talked about my son and his diagnosis and she told me she knew what I was going through and wished she was here to help. I told her I missed her very much and I wished she was here everyday. I know we had our ups and downs like any mother and daughter but we loved each other and that’s all that mattered.
I had a meeting with the new team from Perform care called CMO and the lady was asking about my support system. I swear I wanted to burst out in tears. Everyone says they are here to help, but you find out real quick it’s not the truth. Truthfully, they could handle what you deal with on an everyday basis. But at any rate we will see how this program works out.
Fast Forward To Friday
This week alone I have had dreams about my mom at least 3 nights. I really wanna get to my mom’s gravestone. I hope it’s there because with the weather and all this other jazz the last time we went it wasnt placed. I’m going Sunday.. I don’t care who goes and who doesn’t. I feel like going to visit her ans voicing my thoughts and opinions to her will some how help me through all this.
I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t know if I’m depressed or not. I would go see a therapist but I don’t have a sitter. I don’t know I have to figure something out. I realize it just me and my crew against the world.