Today

Today was a mixture of emotions. I dwelled on what people words are when you are going thru shit. I believe they just say things because it sounds like what you are supposed to say, but you don’t mean it. I felt something I haven’t felt in years, I felt feelings of not just only wanting to no longer feel but understanding why someone would take their own life. I know shocker… but when you ask for help and you don’t take the necessary steps to get help. The people that are around you can’t help you, miss all the warning signs becuase they accept the I’m fine speech. Its crazy. I looked at my son today and I knew that suicide wouldn’t be the way to go after all who would he have? Thats weird to even admit that but if that’s the only thing holding you here guess I better hold on. Its hard because who can you be emotionally vulnerable with that will be there and allow you to be that way without judgment? Or try to take advantage of the situation?

Its crazy to feel this way.. probably why I have been sleeping more and falling into my normal habits of ignore my feelings and pretending everything is okay.

Idk… Im just tired.