Personal

Fix What’s Broken

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I wish I could say my life was picture perfect but it’s not. I have many ups and down. In the last few months, let’s say 6 it has been the hardest. From dealing with preteen drama, my mother and I clashing over things she said while off her meds, and dealing with my love life (dating a man who was is locked up and fighting for his freedom. I know most may think that is the biggest problem but to me it’s not.

The issue with my mother is the bigger picture. Dealing with someone who has mental illness is like walking amongst a glass ridden field. You never know what you are gonna walked into. She gets in to these bad ways, where you damned if you try to get help and damned if you don’t. One more occasions then I’d like to remember we have bumped heads. The last two times lead to drastic measure. Once she call DYFS on my sisters and me for seeking help when she was off her meds. Having DYFS at your house on Christmas Eve inspecting and talking to your child about if I’m drugs, which it was clear I wasn’t. Also, making sure she was not being neglected. Yeah, caused a major riffed.

The last time involved my mother lashing out on my now 13-year-old daughter. Which took me to another place one that I will touch base on later. But in her mind she made up a lie and projected it on my daughter which made me not want either of my kids around her. But how does one fix things? You can’t say things like that and then say well I wasn’t on my meds. That doesn’t make things fine. At this point I don’t know how to approach her without her being defensive or getting to the bottom of her words.

It’s been almost 2 months since I have seen my mother. And I know her grandkids want to see how but how does one fix the problem?

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4 thoughts on “Fix What’s Broken”

  1. Probably explain to them why their grandmother lashes out, here and there, and says or does thing she doesn’t mean. This should allow them to not take whatever bad things she says in a personal way? The grandmom of my two youngest daughter’s suffers from mental illness and, although I never had the chance to sit down and talk with them about it, I would always tell them that their grandmother didn’t feel too good whenever they wanted to go and see her.

    This, of course, is only my two cents based upon my experiences.

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    1. My daughter is old enough to know but the things my mother said about her bothers me. And a situation that came up and the discussion about it was not a good conversation but it makes me feel uneasy about bringing her there anymore or my son. You know

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  2. I hate that you are going through all this. Dealing with a sick parent in any capacity is draining, but a mental illness is a whole other reality. I think that you should use this opportunity to teach your daughter about acceptance and responsibility. You only have one mother, so you have to love and accept her. But you also have to hold her accountable. She has to be responsible and take her meds if she wants to be involved in the lives of her grandchildren. Being a mother includes being a protector… And if someone is doing something to hurt your child, whether it’s consciously or in a state of mental unawareness, you instinctively want to protect them. No matter who it is. I had a lady tell me a story about catching her husband of almost 40 years molesting her granddaughter. Now that was extreme, but she ended up divorcing her husband and standing by her daughter and granddaughter through the legal process. Although she loved her husband, she realized he was ill and she had to hold him accountable. I said all that to say maybe you should explain to your 13 year old that she can love her grandmother but she is not well and explain to your mom that you won’t tolerate her harming your children…hold her accountable for taking her meds. Although she is mentally ill she has to take steps towards being better. If she doesn’t like the meds, recommend that she sees her doctor to see if she can get a different prescription. And if she has trouble remembering, set reminders in her phone, or get her a calendar marked with times and names. Explain to her that you love her and accept her and you want to help her get better. Sorry for the book in your comments, but I was touched by your story.

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