Posted in depression, Domestic violence, mood, opinions, Personal, random, Thoughts

EAS

So yesterday, I was gonna say tonmday but its a brand new day. I had a meeting with employee advisor services to seek help for everything that I have been going thru. Let me just say, I had no faith in this done to my visit a few years back.

They basically give you the run down on how things work, how they assist in getting you info on services that could help.

The lady really made me feel connected. I wish I could just talk to her. But of course I have to go elsewhere. But her advice and listening skills made me feel unjudged, and comfortable to speak my feelings. Needless to say I hope whoever I find is similar to her.

I felt a little better after talking to her.

Posted in mood, opinions, Personal, random, Reflection

So

So just an update, I haven’t mediated since the first 2 days I started. Idk I tried but didn’t seem like it worked for me. Because being an emotional mess, I’m horny all the time. Lol 😂🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️.

I debating on getting a buddy, but I think that may be good and bad. My headaches have seemed to slow down from having them everyday and/or waking up with a full blown migraines.

Court dates looming, medical follows and ugh! Part of me wants it all over or to pretend it never happened but it did.

Posted in depression, mood, opinions, Personal, Reflection, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Figured I’d Start Meditating

The other day I thought to myself maybe I should try mediating. My stress levels are high, since I’m epileptic and my right side of my brain has been showing seizure activity I have been places on meds. Now the meds may not work, because my childhood is proof of that, and most likely its stress related I need to find was to help with stop stressing.

Can’t hurt right?

So I tried this meditation video and idk if them talking does it for me. When the guy talked it kept scaring me, but then it again since it was my first time. I did it for 20 minutes tho. I feel way more relaxed tho. Tomorrow I will try for the whole 30 minutes.

Posted in mood, opinions, Personal, random, Thoughts

Dare I say this out loud

Its hard loving someone and letting them go. You know its for the best, but I miss him. We had good times but I know it was an unhealthy relationship. Especially knowing he had no problem putting his hands on me.

I know I could never go back. But it is wrong to miss the good times?

Idk…. this is hard but I know it’s for the best.

Posted in depression, mood, Personal, Thoughts, venting

Untitled

Today was a tuff day for me, well yesterday since its 1 am. It started out fine but I allowed people to effect my mood. I cried a few times in a room by myself. You ever just be done…. like exhausted from having the same conversations over and over again. You are too drained to exchange the words, so your tears just take over because you can’t?

Thats where I was. I cried alone hiding under my covers and cooking dinner thinking about the shit. I just need peace and when you have no where to go to get it.

I can’t look at myself in the mirror half the time. I look at me and just feel defeated. Sorry I just need to get this out of my head. Im fighting battles I can’t win.