We all are guilty at some point in our lives of getting caught up in the idea of something. I have been caught up in an idea that relationships are working, when clearly they are not.
To quite honest, I have been caught up in mixed signals when words speak more true and as of late actions. Here I am settling down to prepare for a relationship that is never gonna happen. Who am I kidding? I need to stop pretending things are as I want them to be.
Hate to sound pitiful but if I’m being honest, I doubt I’m going to be in any relationship any time soon. Why? Because I feel myself always trying to prove that I’m worthy of being picked, worthy to be that someone to someone. Being told I’m a good woman, just never good enough for anyone I want to date. Or not believe anyone who is interested in me. Mostly because most ppl are interested because they want to be with me intimately only. Maybe that’s the vibe I give off. Idk… maybe I just need time to myself.
But honestly, I have tired that and then someone gets my attention. And of course I’m caught up in the idea yet again only to be let down.
Idk guys felt like venting…
Now if you follow me on social media especially facebook, I share thoughts. Usually these thoughts are based off a conversation I had with a friend. Almost always, someone jumps into their feelings when reading what I posted. In their mind I have subliminally attacked them, so they end up asking me is that post directed at them. I Hate That Question!! I have a motto, if you think or assume it’s about you at that point it is.
I have in fact pointed out how they can feel that it is directed at them especially when they explain why they thought it was directed at them. But seriously, half the time I’m not thinking of anyone when I post things. I simply had a conversation and wanted to share my thoughts or parts of the conversation to get others people input.
I wish I had the Moragn Freeman meme… ya’ll know which one I’m talking about. 😂😂
Some decisions are hard to make but they are extremely neccessary. My daughter and I have been bumping heads, mainly because she has decided that being disrespectful is her new wave. As any good parent, that is unacceptable. So when she tip toes over that line, I march her right back over that line. I have realized that she shows everyone else respect. So what’s her issue with me?
Now I know I have pull your guys coat tail to an issue that had arise with her and we are dealing with that. Among those things I have got her seeing a therapist to help her deal with these issue and issue with her self esteem.
Also, during this time I have been going through it. Processing all this and dealing with my own depression issues. While seeking someone to help me deal with everything. One being a single mom, really dealing with my mom’s death, my grandmother, my son being diagnosed with Autism, and teenagers and for a good while taking care of someone else’s child without proper help. Work issues to boot. A lot right, I’m broken.
So with home life things got to be way too much and my daughter isn’t helping the situation. After talking to her dad, we decided she needs to go with him for a few weeks. Hopefully that will help her get her act together.
I’m a crossroads, knowing this is the best thing. Not wanting to make things worst and hoping we have time to heal ourselves, deal with these issues and come back together and get back to our mother/daughter relationship we are used to.
Going home today knowing she isn’t there is weird. Part of me feels like less of a mom. I’m use to her being there. Only gone for a few days.. hopefully this decision helps and doesn’t back fire.