Now if you follow me on social media especially facebook, I share thoughts. Usually these thoughts are based off a conversation I had with a friend. Almost always, someone jumps into their feelings when reading what I posted. In their mind I have subliminally attacked them, so they end up asking me is that post directed at them. I Hate That Question!! I have a motto, if you think or assume it’s about you at that point it is.
I have in fact pointed out how they can feel that it is directed at them especially when they explain why they thought it was directed at them. But seriously, half the time I’m not thinking of anyone when I post things. I simply had a conversation and wanted to share my thoughts or parts of the conversation to get others people input.
I wish I had the Moragn Freeman meme… ya’ll know which one I’m talking about. 😂😂
Some decisions are hard to make but they are extremely neccessary. My daughter and I have been bumping heads, mainly because she has decided that being disrespectful is her new wave. As any good parent, that is unacceptable. So when she tip toes over that line, I march her right back over that line. I have realized that she shows everyone else respect. So what’s her issue with me?
Now I know I have pull your guys coat tail to an issue that had arise with her and we are dealing with that. Among those things I have got her seeing a therapist to help her deal with these issue and issue with her self esteem.
Also, during this time I have been going through it. Processing all this and dealing with my own depression issues. While seeking someone to help me deal with everything. One being a single mom, really dealing with my mom’s death, my grandmother, my son being diagnosed with Autism, and teenagers and for a good while taking care of someone else’s child without proper help. Work issues to boot. A lot right, I’m broken.
So with home life things got to be way too much and my daughter isn’t helping the situation. After talking to her dad, we decided she needs to go with him for a few weeks. Hopefully that will help her get her act together.
I’m a crossroads, knowing this is the best thing. Not wanting to make things worst and hoping we have time to heal ourselves, deal with these issues and come back together and get back to our mother/daughter relationship we are used to.
Going home today knowing she isn’t there is weird. Part of me feels like less of a mom. I’m use to her being there. Only gone for a few days.. hopefully this decision helps and doesn’t back fire.
This last two weeks, Im starting to feel like myself. I have yet to find someone to talk to but I have gotten out of the house to enjoy some time. The lady I met with 2 weeks ago told me to map out time for myself and I have been trying to.
I need to find a work out because of all this stressing has had me back on some pounds. And I’m not ready to buy clothes. I see all these workouts and I have yet actually do it.
Still working on finding someone and my happy self.
Just wanted to update you guys!
Last week I went to go sit on someone’s couch and tell them about my life. I know I need help and someone to vent. Each day I’m because of shell of myself. I know and thats the crazy part. I’m waiting for these people to reach back out to me, so I can set something up soon.
As the days go by I’m becoming angrier. I have these next two days off so maybe that will help.
Sunday and Today were hard days for me. I’m trying hard to get out of the rut, but it seems like everything is going to hell in a hand basket. I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from depression at this point. My mood goes from happy to sad. To the point that I can stand to see myself… my reflection scares me.
I want to sit down and talk to someone but I can’t seem to find the time, so I’m trying to deal with it internally but I’m 95% sure that it’s not working.
At this particular moment so much is going on in my life. I wish I was able to talk about it but I can’t right now. For those that know me, know exactly what is how. Buy they can’t seem to help.
I dont know what I feel or how I feel, or it I feel at this point. Part of me want to feel anything and nothing if that makes sense.
Maybe venting or expressing myself in my space will help. Can’t hurt to try right?
Seems like dark cloud are hovering over my life right now. What do you do when you are completely disappointed and drained? I have been the a variety of a emotions in the last couple of months. Honestly, I dont know how I get out of the bed every morning. I smile when inside I’m dying. I feel like the total definition of two faces. But I have to be, I have to push forward and I’m determined to fight this thing.
I really can’t go into details.. but I will be glad once this cloud as moved on and leave my life.
Praying for strength to push through for my family… because all I can try and do is protect them!