Posted in depression, mood, Personal

Sleep In Peace

Misty

This picture was taken Thursday, who know that Friday would be her last day with us? She went outside while I was putting groceries in the house and was hit my a car. The car stopped looked back and then kept going.

I hated seeing her in pain. Just that morning, she came downstairs to lay with me on the couch until Zay woke up and now that will never happen again.

My initial reaction was idk, I didn’t want to touch her and then I carried her out the street and then to the hospital. Her injuries range and who has 4,000 dollars to what the doctors said may not help and she could die either way. So I decided to put her to sleep. Hearing her injuries hurt my heart and made me cry.

Never lost a pet like this and that shit hurts. Fuck November… as Tuesday the approaches with a reminder of my mother’s death.

Fuck 2020.

Posted in depression, Domestic violence, mood, opinions, Personal, random, Thoughts

EAS

So yesterday, I was gonna say tonmday but its a brand new day. I had a meeting with employee advisor services to seek help for everything that I have been going thru. Let me just say, I had no faith in this done to my visit a few years back.

They basically give you the run down on how things work, how they assist in getting you info on services that could help.

The lady really made me feel connected. I wish I could just talk to her. But of course I have to go elsewhere. But her advice and listening skills made me feel unjudged, and comfortable to speak my feelings. Needless to say I hope whoever I find is similar to her.

I felt a little better after talking to her.

Posted in mood, opinions, Personal, random, Reflection

So

So just an update, I haven’t mediated since the first 2 days I started. Idk I tried but didn’t seem like it worked for me. Because being an emotional mess, I’m horny all the time. Lol 😂🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️.

I debating on getting a buddy, but I think that may be good and bad. My headaches have seemed to slow down from having them everyday and/or waking up with a full blown migraines.

Court dates looming, medical follows and ugh! Part of me wants it all over or to pretend it never happened but it did.

Posted in depression, mood, opinions, Personal, Reflection, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Figured I’d Start Meditating

The other day I thought to myself maybe I should try mediating. My stress levels are high, since I’m epileptic and my right side of my brain has been showing seizure activity I have been places on meds. Now the meds may not work, because my childhood is proof of that, and most likely its stress related I need to find was to help with stop stressing.

Can’t hurt right?

So I tried this meditation video and idk if them talking does it for me. When the guy talked it kept scaring me, but then it again since it was my first time. I did it for 20 minutes tho. I feel way more relaxed tho. Tomorrow I will try for the whole 30 minutes.

Posted in mood, opinions, Personal, random, Thoughts

Dare I say this out loud

Its hard loving someone and letting them go. You know its for the best, but I miss him. We had good times but I know it was an unhealthy relationship. Especially knowing he had no problem putting his hands on me.

I know I could never go back. But it is wrong to miss the good times?

Idk…. this is hard but I know it’s for the best.