The way that year ended changed me forever. I think a piece of me left with you. It’s barried next to you and I can’t seem to function properly without. I know you’re probably looking down like “I told you so,” and in some ways, you did. You tired to brace me at least as I look back on things I swear you did.
My life now is not all what I thought. I’m in a restless state never seeming to find real peace. Just glimmers of it in the quiet times. And sometimes in people who try and protect me when I cannot seem to protect myself.
At times, I feel like I trauma bonded with pain because it seems so familiar these days. I speak up less for myself. I walk on eggshells. Meanwhile, I’m suffocating under it all.
I wish you were here. I miss you more than words.
Mom, if you see what I’m dealing with. Ask God to help me where I cant help myself. I need peace in my home.
Unreservedly Me 
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