The other day I thought to myself maybe I should try mediating. My stress levels are high, since I’m epileptic and my right side of my brain has been showing seizure activity I have been places on meds. Now the meds may not work, because my childhood is proof of that, and most likely its stress related I need to find was to help with stop stressing.
Can’t hurt right?
So I tried this meditation video and idk if them talking does it for me. When the guy talked it kept scaring me, but then it again since it was my first time. I did it for 20 minutes tho. I feel way more relaxed tho. Tomorrow I will try for the whole 30 minutes.
Never in a million years would I ever think this would be my story. But it is:
This is not love! How can someone do this and say they love you? To tell you I’m okay would be an utter lie. I’m slowly healing physically. I have been the doctors more than I have been in many years or when I had seizures as often as I did in my childhood.
I’m broken, I was already dealing with depression and then this happens. I acknowledge I should’ve left this man alone a while ago because he didn’t mean me no good. He mentally and physically abused me and I allowed it. It took for him to do this for me to finally walk away. I’m thankful because I’m alive. After being pushed down a narrow flight of stairs and punches on with closed fist the multiple times. I made it out alive.
Mentally scared but alive. Today I finally reached out to get counseling because I need to heal from this and know my worth and understand that someone abusing you physically, mentally or any other type of abuse is not acceptable. I never to see the signs and walk away when they are not for me. Rather than get caught up in the person I see them for.
Pray for me guys… I’m taking the necessary steps to heal and grow. I do not want this to define me, I want it to make me see exactly who I am. Go back to loving myself and showing myself how much I love myself in my actions, my words and my energy.
We lie to ourselves to make believe that things are okay. They are just bandaids that eventually come off. We cloud our own judgement knowing the hardcore facts. Wake up, see what you already know you see. Stop lying to yourself and living in a make believe world that does not exist.