Yesterday, while at BJs I ran into my old work first program director. We got to talking and she said she was proud of me and I should come check out their new facilities and share my story. Most don’t know but I was homeless for quite a while and leaned toward welfare for help. Of course the lady assumed I was lying and threaten to put me and my daughter in a shelter. I ended up at Homefront FPC at The School for the deaf, which is where I attended this work first program. I learned how to use Microsoft office, got a place to live (ny 1st apt on stuyvesant ave) and then found a job at the Old Navy in Hamilton Market place it was just opening up. Left due to no steady hours, went back to welfare and joined another WF program and got in the state of nj as CWEP (Unpaid intern) for a 1 1/2 and got hired permanent in 2009. Been on my own since my first apt and left welfare behind. I said all that to say this, everyone needs help and you shouldn’t be ashamed, understand where you been and where you are now. Be proud of yourself and thank God! I been working every since. Maintaining my household and raising my kids as best I can, so before you judge me understand that that’s just a piece of my story and it doesn’t define me.
This weekend, I sat down and had dinner and drinks with my bestie boo. We talked about our current love interest and other things.
Our conversation started off talking about things that happened in our past, I shared with her what happened the night I lost my virginity by being raped and how my behavior was shortly after. How we got there was because we discuss an incident that happened between my former bestie and myself. How we lead up to no longer being friends. Her thoughts about me and all that. It took a while for me to be upfront with the fact of her opinion of me. In her eyes I was a huge slut which wasn’t true. She assumed I fucked every guy I said I was “talking to”. Yes, in her mind “talking to” meant fucking. All the while she went around stating she slept with a handful of people. I almost coughed on my sweet tea typing that but hey?
Also, she thinks I slept with this guy or tried to sleep with this guy she was interested in. But let me clue you guys in on this. Most people know I’m bisexual, so with that being said only a few people knew this at this particular time. When we used to go clubbing hopping, she would tell potentials that her and her bestie (me) would tag team off the ropes (yes as I wrote that I sung it). I honestly, don’t know why she would state that knowing she wasn’t about that life. One night, she was on 10 with that shit, so I figured let’s see how far she would be willing to go with this. So, after shouting her selling point to this one guy all night we ended at his spot. Drinks and laughter was popping, I made her think I was drunk but I was alert and simply tipsy. She still was promoting the tag team, so I went over to the bed they were sitting on and made my way to his lap. Let him feel me up and all that, and watched her reaction. She promptly made up a story about going to the bathroom and they both left the room. 20 minutes passed and they came back, I knew what went down and was cool. I hope she understood that she wasn’t ready for that, and would stop selling tickets to a show she wasn’t gonna perform in. It probably rubbed her the wrong way but I had to prove a point.
Anyways, there are many stories on why we aren’t friends today. I held on to this “friendship” for a while. I invested a great deal of time, emotions and all that into it, it sucks that it ended, I still love her and wish the best… but join me as I reflect on why this friendship didn’t work… until the next time…