Posted in mood, opinions, Personal, Reflection, Thoughts

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As much as I want it, maybe its not in the cards for me. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø Either I’m not doing something right or I have to change who I am?! Whatever happened to unconditional love?!

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Posted in Personal, relationships, Thoughts, venting

Untitled

Can someone say they love you, and make you feel so undeniably insecure?Ā 

I have never really been an insecure person, but at the risk of sounding dumb and so very caught up that’s where I am right now. I’m in love someone who I know loves me, says they want a future with me. But in this very moment has me feeling insecure. At this point one of two things going on, you love me but your not in love with me. So you’re entertaining a temporary person and if that doesn’t work I’m your faithful so let’s make this work. Or you love me, but rather than let me go because you don’t want what I want right now, you want me to wait in the wings until you are ready?

It’s been made very clear that you can’t handle the idea of me entertaining anyone else, but I’m supposed to believe this person that is claiming you is just crazy? Nah, my heart wants to believe you but my head is screaming “Let It Go”! I have already emotionally checked out of the situation (outwardly) but inside the storm is brewing. I cannot make anyone fall in love with me. Any more than I can make anyone want me. I’m far from perfect but I feel we are soulmates, but maybe that just a figment of my imagination.

If we reverse this situation, would you be able to handle what you are dishing out? Let’s be honest.. nope!! Sure IĀ  can just jump to the next, but I know what I want and at this point the fish in the see are on the wave of let’s be friends. I’m not budging because I know what I want and deserve.

Love is a very tricky and emotional thing. Something I have been trying to avoid since my last real relationship. I held on to the point that we got in engaged, he cheated, I took him back and we planned a baby, I got pregnant, we told our families, he got married a week later to the girl he cheated on me with. <====== The damage that does, is hard to come back from but I did. I vowed to never let anyone hurt me like that again. I don’t want to be an option. You either want me or you don’t.

Is it too much to ask someone to love me, the way that I love them. And be loyal and be just for me, like I would be for them?

 

 

Posted in Thoughts

I quit

Maybe I’m one of those folks who needs to let it burn. I feel like I’m hanging on by tread and that tread is being clipped. I truly give up on this thing called love, or the notion of relationship. Maybe it’s simply not in the cards for me.

Maybe I’m being pessimistic…but my personal experiences ring loudly in my mind.

Let me vent though, I maybe end up being one of those women with a whole bunch of cats. Lol nah real talk tho.

Posted in mood, Personal, venting

Stop Pretending

We all are guilty at some point in our lives of getting caught up in the idea of something. I have been caught up in an idea that relationships are working, when clearly they are not.

To quite honest, I have been caught up in mixed signals when words speak more true and as of late actions. Here I am settling down to prepare for a relationship that is never gonna happen. Who am I kidding? I need to stop pretending things are as I want them to be.

Hate to sound pitiful but if I’m being honest, I doubt I’m going to be in any relationship any time soon. Why? Because I feel myself always trying to prove that I’m worthy of being picked, worthy to be that someone to someone. Being told I’m a good woman, just never good enough for anyone I want to date. Or not believe anyone who is interested in me. Mostly because most ppl are interested because they want to be with me intimately only. Maybe that’s the vibe I give off. Idk… maybe I just need time to myself.

But honestly, I have tired that and then someone gets my attention. And of course I’m caught up in the idea yet again only to be let down.

Idk guys felt like venting…

Posted in Mommy Chronicles, Personal, Uncategorized, venting

Summer Camps

The way these summer camps are coming, you’d think I was putting a deposit down on buying a house or car! Lawd!!

Now most of you know my son is autistic so the thought of sending him to any old summer camp is a no go for me. I have to send to a camp suited for his needs.

As a mom, knowing camps fill up fast I have to get a jump start on it and apply for assistance to help pay for camp. Thankfully, my daughter will be working this year a real job. I only have to pay for one, but boy is it expensive.

Looking for camps for children with disabilites is hard enough let alone one that is close. Especially, since I don’t drive and I need to get there quickly.

I realize they need more camps close that have staff that can work with all types of children.

I’m not even gonna say how much this camp is just pray that I get the help I need. Lawd knows I’m not balling like that! šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚