Its hard loving someone and letting them go. You know its for the best, but I miss him. We had good times but I know it was an unhealthy relationship. Especially knowing he had no problem putting his hands on me.
I know I could never go back. But it is wrong to miss the good times?
Never in a million years would I ever think this would be my story. But it is:
This is not love! How can someone do this and say they love you? To tell you I’m okay would be an utter lie. I’m slowly healing physically. I have been the doctors more than I have been in many years or when I had seizures as often as I did in my childhood.
I’m broken, I was already dealing with depression and then this happens. I acknowledge I should’ve left this man alone a while ago because he didn’t mean me no good. He mentally and physically abused me and I allowed it. It took for him to do this for me to finally walk away. I’m thankful because I’m alive. After being pushed down a narrow flight of stairs and punches on with closed fist the multiple times. I made it out alive.
Mentally scared but alive. Today I finally reached out to get counseling because I need to heal from this and know my worth and understand that someone abusing you physically, mentally or any other type of abuse is not acceptable. I never to see the signs and walk away when they are not for me. Rather than get caught up in the person I see them for.
Pray for me guys… I’m taking the necessary steps to heal and grow. I do not want this to define me, I want it to make me see exactly who I am. Go back to loving myself and showing myself how much I love myself in my actions, my words and my energy.
I feel like I wanna scream or just cry. With no one to vent to or just be there and listen without judgment or their easy way to fix it all. I feel broken and no one around me seems to care or want to check in on me. Even when they do I say I’m fine. I don’t wanna burden anyone with all this hurt I have stored inside of me. I’m search for someone to fill a void no one can feel. I miss me.