I’m a state of mixed feelings. I want to feel love and affection but at the same time I just can’t actually deal with it. I feel like as much as I want it, I’m in a vulnerable state and I don’t want to dismiss the usual red flags or be taken advantage of.
Its not even the person per se, its more of a fear of being blinded like last time and getting involved with someone who means me no good. Even if they originally had the best intentions. Idk…. I can’t figure out why I feel that way? I’m in no rush to jump into anything.
Today was a tuff day for me, well yesterday since its 1 am. It started out fine but I allowed people to effect my mood. I cried a few times in a room by myself. You ever just be done…. like exhausted from having the same conversations over and over again. You are too drained to exchange the words, so your tears just take over because you can’t?
Thats where I was. I cried alone hiding under my covers and cooking dinner thinking about the shit. I just need peace and when you have no where to go to get it.
I can’t look at myself in the mirror half the time. I look at me and just feel defeated. Sorry I just need to get this out of my head. Im fighting battles I can’t win.
What’s unpatriotic is the slaughter of thousands of black Americans being killed by police and getting away with it.
Kneeling is not unpatriotic. We ask that you honor the flag by showing us that all lives matters as most would graciously point out, but they forget that it including Black Lives too!!
Us getting killed and mugshots showing up as all around the media, dismissing the fact that during the time the life was taken they weren’t doing anything but their skin color was a threat.
Many ask, what did he do? Sometimes it could be following the instructions of the officers. Sometimes it could be running away because we know we could be killed and somehow we are the threat. Sometimes, it could be asking too many questions.
To my white friends, would you trade places with us since we are being treated so well?
#BlackLivesMatter show us that much, but giving us real justice. Show us, but holding people accountable for taking lives as if they are judge and jury.