Today when I went downstairs at work to get breakfast from our cafeteria I heard one of my mom’s favorite song, by her favorite singer:
It brought me back to fun memories in my childhood. My mom was always playing good music and singing along to it. She had a great voice, and I’m not saying that just because she is my mom. She really did.
I miss her so much, she is missing so much. Her 5th grandchild who happens to be her namesake, being born. She was there for all her grands being born, she would be baby stalking like always.
I know she can see what is going on, and watching over us.
On Facebook this popped up and I didn’t know if I wanted to share it because it just made miss her even more:
Just felt like sharing this, I don’t know how to end this post.
This weekend, I sat down and had dinner and drinks with my bestie boo. We talked about our current love interest and other things.
Our conversation started off talking about things that happened in our past, I shared with her what happened the night I lost my virginity by being raped and how my behavior was shortly after. How we got there was because we discuss an incident that happened between my former bestie and myself. How we lead up to no longer being friends. Her thoughts about me and all that. It took a while for me to be upfront with the fact of her opinion of me. In her eyes I was a huge slut which wasn’t true. She assumed I fucked every guy I said I was “talking to”. Yes, in her mind “talking to” meant fucking. All the while she went around stating she slept with a handful of people. I almost coughed on my sweet tea typing that but hey?
Also, she thinks I slept with this guy or tried to sleep with this guy she was interested in. But let me clue you guys in on this. Most people know I’m bisexual, so with that being said only a few people knew this at this particular time. When we used to go clubbing hopping, she would tell potentials that her and her bestie (me) would tag team off the ropes (yes as I wrote that I sung it). I honestly, don’t know why she would state that knowing she wasn’t about that life. One night, she was on 10 with that shit, so I figured let’s see how far she would be willing to go with this. So, after shouting her selling point to this one guy all night we ended at his spot. Drinks and laughter was popping, I made her think I was drunk but I was alert and simply tipsy. She still was promoting the tag team, so I went over to the bed they were sitting on and made my way to his lap. Let him feel me up and all that, and watched her reaction. She promptly made up a story about going to the bathroom and they both left the room. 20 minutes passed and they came back, I knew what went down and was cool. I hope she understood that she wasn’t ready for that, and would stop selling tickets to a show she wasn’t gonna perform in. It probably rubbed her the wrong way but I had to prove a point.
Anyways, there are many stories on why we aren’t friends today. I held on to this “friendship” for a while. I invested a great deal of time, emotions and all that into it, it sucks that it ended, I still love her and wish the best… but join me as I reflect on why this friendship didn’t work… until the next time…
How many people are out here living a lie? Pretending to be happy when they are clearly unhappy? How many people people are in relationships that they are miserable in? How many people are married just to say they are married? How many people are scared to be alone so they jump from relationship to relationship? Can you really not bare the thought of being alone? Being comfortable with yourself, loving yourself?
You’re okay with being complacent in your choices knowing you are truly unhappy and miserable?