I pledge to myself that May starts a brand new chapter in my life. I will no longer allow things or people to make me unhappy. If it’s not preserving my peace, than it doesn’t need to be around me. Many of times I given into others to make them happy or not be mad. This time, I have to be selfish because losing who I am, is no longer an option. Despite all the pain and tears these last few months God has been there to bless me. I’m grateful for those who were there to let me vent, cry and just came around to me be there. It’s been hard, slowly getting back to the woman you guys used to know. But striving for so much more!!!
We all are guilty at some point in our lives of getting caught up in the idea of something. I have been caught up in an idea that relationships are working, when clearly they are not.
To quite honest, I have been caught up in mixed signals when words speak more true and as of late actions. Here I am settling down to prepare for a relationship that is never gonna happen. Who am I kidding? I need to stop pretending things are as I want them to be.
Hate to sound pitiful but if I’m being honest, I doubt I’m going to be in any relationship any time soon. Why? Because I feel myself always trying to prove that I’m worthy of being picked, worthy to be that someone to someone. Being told I’m a good woman, just never good enough for anyone I want to date. Or not believe anyone who is interested in me. Mostly because most ppl are interested because they want to be with me intimately only. Maybe that’s the vibe I give off. Idk… maybe I just need time to myself.
But honestly, I have tired that and then someone gets my attention. And of course I’m caught up in the idea yet again only to be let down.
Idk guys felt like venting…
Now if you follow me on social media especially facebook, I share thoughts. Usually these thoughts are based off a conversation I had with a friend. Almost always, someone jumps into their feelings when reading what I posted. In their mind I have subliminally attacked them, so they end up asking me is that post directed at them. I Hate That Question!! I have a motto, if you think or assume it’s about you at that point it is.
I have in fact pointed out how they can feel that it is directed at them especially when they explain why they thought it was directed at them. But seriously, half the time I’m not thinking of anyone when I post things. I simply had a conversation and wanted to share my thoughts or parts of the conversation to get others people input.
I wish I had the Moragn Freeman meme… ya’ll know which one I’m talking about. 😂😂