I woke up today feeling good about myself in general despite waking up feeling exhausted. I moved through my morning kind of in a autopilot mode.
In one fell swoop my contentment was shared with thoughts of many different things. My character and integrity questioned in a blink of eye.
I’m left to wonder… why?
I pledge to myself that May starts a brand new chapter in my life. I will no longer allow things or people to make me unhappy. If it’s not preserving my peace, than it doesn’t need to be around me. Many of times I given into others to make them happy or not be mad. This time, I have to be selfish because losing who I am, is no longer an option. Despite all the pain and tears these last few months God has been there to bless me. I’m grateful for those who were there to let me vent, cry and just came around to me be there. It’s been hard, slowly getting back to the woman you guys used to know. But striving for so much more!!!
We all are guilty at some point in our lives of getting caught up in the idea of something. I have been caught up in an idea that relationships are working, when clearly they are not.
To quite honest, I have been caught up in mixed signals when words speak more true and as of late actions. Here I am settling down to prepare for a relationship that is never gonna happen. Who am I kidding? I need to stop pretending things are as I want them to be.
Hate to sound pitiful but if I’m being honest, I doubt I’m going to be in any relationship any time soon. Why? Because I feel myself always trying to prove that I’m worthy of being picked, worthy to be that someone to someone. Being told I’m a good woman, just never good enough for anyone I want to date. Or not believe anyone who is interested in me. Mostly because most ppl are interested because they want to be with me intimately only. Maybe that’s the vibe I give off. Idk… maybe I just need time to myself.
But honestly, I have tired that and then someone gets my attention. And of course I’m caught up in the idea yet again only to be let down.
Idk guys felt like venting…
Unreservedly Me 