For those of us who deal with grief daily and know the holidays are hard. Many may not understand but for those of us that do, your understanding is amazing. To those that love us… know to not take things personal… we are emotional wrecks trying to keep it together and do not want to bring our cloud of gloom your way. Be mindful…
A few days ago I had a dream and of course my mother was in it. I saw her in this dream and I was excited because I wanted to show her something. I went to where whatever it was I was trying to show her. I waited patiently for her to come and she never did. As I sat that it dawned on me she has passed on. I woke up sad that day! Idk in my head I new it but for whatever reason this mad me feed deeply sadden.
That was the first time I have ever dreamed of her and felt that way after. Idk, I really miss her..
Listening to the Boyz II Men song A Song for Momma…. miss you momma!!
Today when I went downstairs at work to get breakfast from our cafeteria I heard one of my mom’s favorite song, by her favorite singer:
It brought me back to fun memories in my childhood. My mom was always playing good music and singing along to it. She had a great voice, and I’m not saying that just because she is my mom. She really did.
I miss her so much, she is missing so much. Her 5th grandchild who happens to be her namesake, being born. She was there for all her grands being born, she would be baby stalking like always.
I know she can see what is going on, and watching over us.
On Facebook this popped up and I didn’t know if I wanted to share it because it just made miss her even more:
Just felt like sharing this, I don’t know how to end this post.
Sunday, September 18,2016
Last night I had a dream and my mother was in it. We talked about my son and his diagnosis and she told me she knew what I was going through and wished she was here to help. I told her I missed her very much and I wished she was here everyday. I know we had our ups and downs like any mother and daughter but we loved each other and that’s all that mattered.
I had a meeting with the new team from Perform care called CMO and the lady was asking about my support system. I swear I wanted to burst out in tears. Everyone says they are here to help, but you find out real quick it’s not the truth. Truthfully, they could handle what you deal with on an everyday basis. But at any rate we will see how this program works out.
Fast Forward To Friday
This week alone I have had dreams about my mom at least 3 nights. I really wanna get to my mom’s gravestone. I hope it’s there because with the weather and all this other jazz the last time we went it wasnt placed. I’m going Sunday.. I don’t care who goes and who doesn’t. I feel like going to visit her ans voicing my thoughts and opinions to her will some how help me through all this.
I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t know if I’m depressed or not. I would go see a therapist but I don’t have a sitter. I don’t know I have to figure something out. I realize it just me and my crew against the world.