For those of us who deal with grief daily and know the holidays are hard. Many may not understand but for those of us that do, your understanding is amazing. To those that love us… know to not take things personal… we are emotional wrecks trying to keep it together and do not want to bring our cloud of gloom your way. Be mindful…
So I finally made it to the cemetery to visit with my mother. All my sisters including the kids with the exception of my nephew, because he isn’t ready for that. I can respect that. It was kind of weird though because it’s not something I’m use to. I don’t visit graves of friends or family that have since passed, but this is my mom. So you know I was going to visit my mother.
When I got there I thought about all the dreams I have been having about her, and I shared with my sisters how I had a dream about coming to the cemetery and her stone not being there and how much it pissed me off. My mother calmed me down and told me to just go. So I was glad to finally see it there.
It was a weird moment because I think she raised use to be strong women, so no one seemed to drop a tear. I’m sure when we went our separate ways we reflected on how real that moment was for us. It’s like it’s in stone so this is real, we can no longer question if our mother is really gone. Gone in the sense of not being physically here with us. We feel her presence all around us but this was the cold hard truth.
I can’t wait to have another dream with her in it. I think we as sisters should realize its okay to cry and let it out while we console each other. This coming Thanksgiving will be hard for us, but I think we need to be together and make each other smile and then cry and think of all the random things are mother would be fussing about around this time of year. After all, even in her passing last year, she cooked dinner for us and we all added to it and enjoyed the memories of her.
Also, I’m glad my stone had a moment with her stone, as the girls did too. Him more so because I don’t think he understands what happened, but then again maybe he does. After we left he went home and slept peacefully. Hopefully, she visited him in his dreams.
Miss you mom so much that I couldn’t just carry you in my heart had to put you on me! I love you and miss you everyday!! Thank you for loving me and being my mom!,