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Reflections of a “Friendship”

6ccc03b59d1ed4c797b976f1d730da10This weekend, I sat down and had dinner and drinks with my bestie boo. We talked about our current love interest and other things.

Our conversation started off talking about things that happened in our past, I shared with her what happened the night I lost my virginity by being raped and how my behavior was shortly after. How we got there was because we discuss an incident that happened between my former bestie and myself. How we lead up to no longer being friends. Her thoughts about me and all that. It took a while for me to be upfront with the fact of her opinion of me. In her eyes I was a huge slut which wasn’t true. She assumed I fucked every guy I said I was “talking to”. Yes, in her mind “talking to” meant fucking. All the while she went around stating she slept with a handful of people. I almost coughed on my sweet tea typing that but hey?

Also, she thinks I slept with this guy or tried to sleep with this guy she was interested in. But let me clue you guys in on this. Most people know I’m bisexual, so with that being said only a few people knew this at this particular time. When we used to go clubbing hopping, she would tell potentials that her and her bestie (me) would tag team off the ropes (yes as I wrote that I sung it). I honestly, don’t know why she would state that knowing she wasn’t about that life. One night, she was on 10 with that shit, so I figured let’s see how far she would be willing to go with this. So, after shouting her selling point to this one guy all night we ended at his spot. Drinks and laughter was popping, I made her think I was drunk but I was alert and simply tipsy. She still was promoting the tag team, so I went over to the bed they were sitting on and made my way to his lap. Let him feel me up and all that, and watched her reaction. She promptly made up a story about going to the bathroom and they both left the room. 20 minutes passed and they came back, I knew what went down and was cool. I hope she understood that she wasn’t ready for that, and would stop selling tickets to a show she wasn’t gonna perform in. It probably rubbed her the wrong way but I had to prove a point.

Anyways, there are many stories on why we aren’t friends today. I held on to this “friendship” for a while. I invested a great deal of time, emotions and all that into it, it sucks that it ended, I still love her and wish the best… but join me as I reflect on why this friendship didn’t work… until the next time…

Blurred Lines *Podcast*

My Weekend

 

 

When I say I had a busy weekend, understand I did. The girls and I took a trip to Atlantic City for out friend’s Heather’s birthday. So we booked a hotel for Saturday and Sunday. Road trip start early Saturday morning… here are some of the pictures.

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I’m glad I was able to get a break from all that was happening around me. I needed that girls weekend, it was long over due and perfect timing. Then back to the real world I came to prepare for my Grammy funeral services Monday. It was beautiful service. #KellyStrong

 

We know that are grandmother is in a better place. No more suffering and she has her babies with her. I miss my mom, aunties and gram very much. But one thing they taught us was to be #KellyStrong and we will keep this big family together!

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Once Upon a Friendship

meeting-you

 

This statement rings true. After the passing of my mother a former best friend of mines reached out to comfort me. She showed up to my house with a card and flowers. A mutual friend sent her there. But whatever the reason I welcomed her with open arms. I appreciate her being there.

When she left I thought to myself about what she had said before she left. She was talking about how we never had closure. We didn’t. She abruptly stopped stop the friendship, it felt like I was blindsided. Sure she have made subliminal posts on Facebook about how someone else tainted my view of her. But that was furthest from the truth. After ignoring her post and asking her to talk to us face to face and it never happening, I finally commented on her post. Might not have been the right thing but hey I was over it.

Seems like she only wanted to text our problems away, or write about them on FB. So the shit it the fan on my daughter’s bday weekend. The September I was deleted from her Facebook. When I called her to see what message she was trying to send with that, I was told it was my fault. Confused and after a few messages later I said, “have a nice life.” I was done.

According to her the friendship ended because I let a third-party taint my brain and I didn’t like her other half. Now I could give you the whole back story of her other half, but short and sweet. He beat her among other things. After finding out she still was with him, I took my feelings out of it and remained her friend. But that wasn’t good enough. And as far as someone telling me not to be her friend. I was her friend for 13+ years and no one could tell me anything about her I didn’t already know. Our friendship was not perfect and I realized the problems in our relationship long before her other half came into the picture. Problems that were never really address, but caused friction here and there. So if a problem is never truly fixed.

Back to current. She has reached out and honestly it feels weird. The friend I know and still love, I find myself feeling weird to be around. Because I know things will never be the same. In order to have closure I need her to own up to her faults that cause the demise of this friendship, as well as I need to own up to my fault for the downfall of our friendship.

It’s weird because I think that after all this time, I never get her to do that without playing the victim. But maybe I should just try, right?