This past weekend I participated in a Suicide Prevention walk and I thought of this podcast we did. Take a listen and share your thoughts!!
Sunday, September 18,2016
Last night I had a dream and my mother was in it. We talked about my son and his diagnosis and she told me she knew what I was going through and wished she was here to help. I told her I missed her very much and I wished she was here everyday. I know we had our ups and downs like any mother and daughter but we loved each other and that’s all that mattered.
I had a meeting with the new team from Perform care called CMO and the lady was asking about my support system. I swear I wanted to burst out in tears. Everyone says they are here to help, but you find out real quick it’s not the truth. Truthfully, they could handle what you deal with on an everyday basis. But at any rate we will see how this program works out.
Fast Forward To Friday
This week alone I have had dreams about my mom at least 3 nights. I really wanna get to my mom’s gravestone. I hope it’s there because with the weather and all this other jazz the last time we went it wasnt placed. I’m going Sunday.. I don’t care who goes and who doesn’t. I feel like going to visit her ans voicing my thoughts and opinions to her will some how help me through all this.
I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t know if I’m depressed or not. I would go see a therapist but I don’t have a sitter. I don’t know I have to figure something out. I realize it just me and my crew against the world.
When I say I had a busy weekend, understand I did. The girls and I took a trip to Atlantic City for out friend’s Heather’s birthday. So we booked a hotel for Saturday and Sunday. Road trip start early Saturday morning… here are some of the pictures.
I’m glad I was able to get a break from all that was happening around me. I needed that girls weekend, it was long over due and perfect timing. Then back to the real world I came to prepare for my Grammy funeral services Monday. It was beautiful service. #KellyStrong
We know that are grandmother is in a better place. No more suffering and she has her babies with her. I miss my mom, aunties and gram very much. But one thing they taught us was to be #KellyStrong and we will keep this big family together!
Monday, we lost our grandma. She was in ICU since the 4th of July and we knew she was a fighter so she held on for as long as she could. Even when you know death is right there at the corner you are never prepared for it. All her grandkids (30), great grandkids (50) and the remainder of her kids, my aunt Tina and uncle Charles remained by her side the entire time.
My grandma was loved by many. She was one of the grandma that everyone knew, loved and respected. She had people calling her grandma even though she wasn’t their blood relative.
After this week passed, I had a talk with my cousins and sisters saying, it sounds weird but I’m glad my mom passed before her mom. Because we know she wouldn’t be able to handling watching her mother pass. We agreed that she wouldn’t be able to come back from that, she already was going through it when my grandma first got sick.
81 years of life, and you impacted some many people. We when lay your body to rest, we carry you with us. We remain #KELLYSTRONG