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So in recent events I kicked myself to the curb. No, you didn’t read that sentence wrong. Well it’s a confusing situation. Now for most of you know I was in a relationship, was as in past tense. Yes, I do love him but we had a conversation and let’s just say there was a communication issue.
In a recent conversation he pointed out that my letters (he is in jail), I haven’t really said much and that I seem to have run out of things to say. I told him in a phone conversation that it was not that I didn’t want have anything to say, because I did I just wanted to spare his feelings. It hurt him that my mom passed and he was unable to be there for me. I thought why keep bringing that up making him feel like a piece of shit. So I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t really want to talk about it out loud. But if that is what he wanted I would do that.
So I finally got the courage to talk about it and as I shared how I felt and what was on my mind. I choose my words carefully because he is one of those people to take your words apart and somehow it goes left. In this letter I told him he was being selfish and the last thing I need is that, I also needed time. So after he finally get this letter, he wants me to explain what I meant by needing time. I explained I need to time to myself from everyone. Since my mom passed I have not had time to myself. I needed that to process this all, but as I wrote I broke. I couldn’t stop crying because writing about it made me deal with everything. I left work and all and cried all that day. I needed that cry whether I wanted it or not.
As we are talking he mention this song… Cue Marvin Gaye:
After this I picked up what he was saying… so as the next day passed he finally called and he acted like things were fine. I told him I listened to the song, so what was the meaning behind it. He acted as if I was just imagining things. I’m like every time you brought a song up in our conversations that expressed your feelings, also at the end of our last conversation you basically asked me why were we together.
So I just said, let’s just end this before we end up hating each other. He kept telling me he was over having the same conversation over and over. And honestly emotionally I couldn’t keep dealing with if he was gonna break up with me everyday.
So even though he attempted to break up with me, I said the words. And he said ” I expected this.” Which pissed me off but I still remained calm… haven’t talked to him although I sent a card for his birthday from me and the kids (one being our son).
So I kicked myself to the curb.