Posted in Thoughts

Year later

Its a year later and I woke up at the exact time my world changed with this heavy on my mind. How can we unlove a person who did the most devastating thing to us? I wish it was that simple. Knowing that a half as apology and slight blame can remove the pain. I thought I was past this but I see that I’m not. I’ve been through crazy shit because of this, as the rumor mill goes I can remember being in utter disbelief that this was happening to me. To someone I loved, more than I loved myself. From someone I just wanted to respect me and show me that same kind of love back. Its crazy, cuz my name still get drug thru the mud as if I did something to him. I was a fighter but I didn’t really fight back because even in that moment I was thinking of him. Thats crazy. I don’t harbor any ill will towards him, just want a genuine acknowledging of the wrong that was committed against me but I guess the only thing I will get is what I allow. I’m working on love me. But it hard when I can’t even recognize the person I see in the mirror looking back at me. I swear I can’t trust myself anmd my heart to protect me. Part of me wishes that when I hit the bottom of those steps I never got up because it was at the moment I lost the strength within me.